Hello my lovely Llamas! This will hopefully be the last installment of Keebler's invasion during my BFF's first wedding anniversary. I'm on mobile this time, so I apologize for subpar formatting this time around (but mobile means sassy emoji's! 💁🏻♀️). Also, sorry for the length but I really didn't feel like making a part 4.
If I'm recalling correctly we last left off with Keebler "going to the supermarket" and then disappearing for more than half a day. She's the next modern street magician!
BFF arrived home around 9 PM, Keebler still MIA. FIL had been occasionally texting Keebler to check up on her and make sure she was still alive. Her response everytime was "I'll be home soon!" At least it wasn't radio silence? BFF and DH decided they would not enable/engage the behavior so didn't text Keebler once during this ordeal. Everyone at the house decided there was no sense waiting for this woman to show up and proceeded to feast on DH's meal without her.
Then, BFF and BIL ended up having a heart-to-heart after dinner. This is extremely unusual because the two usually don't see eye-to-eye or get along in general. During their conversation BIL confessed that he's been trying to figure out how to trick Keebler into seeing a psychiatrist for a long time. He thinks she may have bipolar disorder that has gone undiagnosed for most of her life. BFF contemplates this, looks back on past behaviors, and considers Keebler's current behaviors. Bipolar disorder would explain a lot, and both BFF and BIL agree that Keebler may be currently experiencing a manic episode.
Side bar: while I'm not a doctor, I
am a medical professional. I'm somewhat versed in mental health and psychiatric disorders. Keebler fits the bill for either bipolar disorder or manic depressive (although nowadays those are being lumped together more often than not). It would explain pretty much 100% of Keebler's behavior, but it
does not excuse her behavior.
After dropping this bomb on BFF, BIL then confesses to her that he's really depressed about his relationship with Keebler. He says that he has friends who have really great relationships with their mothers and often feels extremely envious of them, while also feeling ashamed and embarrassed of Keebler. He then said that as a single guy in his late 20's, having a good relationship with his mom would make such a difference in his life and give him a person to rely on and confide in...but he'll never have that. 😭
So now BFF has an "aha" moment about Keebler, but still wants to strangle her anyway. Lol. DH packed up dinner, put it in the fridge, and peaced out to bed. Everyone else stayed up and watched TV. Then, at half past midnight, Keebler returned from her trip to Hades, with
tortured souls and death obscene amounts of shopping bags in tow. (Noted: likely shopping addiction, you llamas are so good at this 😍). The kicker?
She walks in and acts like everything is completely normal. Nothing to see here apparently! Normal person behavior! /sarcasm
BFF asks her in much kinder terms where TF she has been for the past 8+ hours. Keebler claims she "went to Michael's, then went to Kohl's." BFF suspects she was off performing human sacrifices to the crafting gods. BFF also told me that Keebler had bags from more than just Michael's and Kohl's. And surprise! No eggs, milk, or bread! 🙄
BFF then informed Keebler that dinner was packed away in the fridge if she wanted to have some. Keebler did that dismissive shooing hand motion and claimed she was fine. BIL then added that it was cooked by DH and suddenly Keebler was absolutely starved and needed to eat. 🙃 BFF admits she passive aggressively added, "don't worry, I didn't cook a thing."
BFF then asked Keebler what time her and FIL's flight home were the next day (would have been Wednesday), and Keebler giggled (BFF describes this giggle as Keebler's "I think I'm being cute" laugh) and said this GEM:
Ohhhh, our flight is on Thursday! We figured we would spend an extra day with you guys! [HORROR MUSIC/NOISES]
BFF told me that she thought she was going to pop a blood vessel in her eye. Beyond her control, BFF started having a crazed/unhinged laughing fit and walked into the bedroom where DH was sleeping.
The plan was
supposed to be that BFF takes the day off work on the day the invasion was supposed to end (Wednesday), sees them off to the airport, then goes home and spends the rest of the day
in recovery. Now she has to spend her entire day off with Keebler and scramble to feed everybody. After waking DH from his slumber (DH describes BFF's face to me as "that of a crazed murderer") she military strutted into the kitchen and prepared a lasagna in a baking dish to heat the next night for dinner.
Next day comes, Keebler sensed trouble in paradise, and she went out for most of the day with FIL. Then, comes home for dinner and starts contemplating out loud what
SHE should cook for dinner. 😬 Y'know... never mind that you watched your DIL put it together last night. Never mind that this ISN'T YOUR DAMN HOUSE so wtf business do you have cooking there. BFF texted me at this point raging. I told her to cook the lasagna anyway and not let anyone eat it except herself. Then pack away the left overs and freeze them as meal prep for the week. 😈 Then I told her if anyone asked if that was for everyone's dinner to say, "ohhh no, this is my meal prep for work. I
completely forgot you'd still be here for dinner. Whoooops, sorry." Muahaha.
Well, after Keebler hemming and hawing about what to make, BIL finally said, "Mom wtf, BFF prepped lasagna for dinner. That's what we're eating." (DH was at work, blissfully unawares). And then Keebler ate the damn lasagna and thoroughly enjoyed it. Small victories.
The next day BFF and DH kicked Keebler and co. out of the house in the morning as they left for work. Keebler tried suggesting that they hang out at the house until it was time to leave for the airport and DH said: "Why don't you guys go do some sightseeing in [City], you barely did anything together all trip." Lololol. What a guy.
And there you have it. Like I said previous post: ended with not a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh, and before I forget! Keebler made a BookFace post two days later saying how
woooooonderful it was to spend so much time with her three favorite children. Like...all three minutes, apparently? 😜
When I get a chance I'm going to recount the saga leading up to BFF and DH's wedding. I was MoH, so thoroughly involved...and therefor had to deal with Keebler myself, and also do damage control a lot of the time.
*Edit: fixed the usual trifecta. Grammar, spelling, and formatting.
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